Monday, August 21, 2017

fleeting seconds | The 2017

This series has been more like a diary to me. Whenever I feel like pouring something, I dive right here and plan for a proper blog post. *evil-yet-not-so-evil laugh*
This week, I felt like blogging about one of the most important topics which, ironically, I ignore the most;  Time. \\ Woah! Yes, that's right, I'm getting a bit serious here. 

If you have been reading my blogs or just happen to know me personally, you might know that the term, "punctuality" didn't mean much to me and I didn't put much effort to make it matter.

From missing my school buses to appearing late at places (not intentionally) and yet not realising how much of havoc have I created, I don't know why but I'm still cool with me getting late everywhere. Whenever I thought of the idea of wearing a wristwatch, I could imagine myself being chained to some rapidly adding numbers telling me what to do and at what time.

My life felt miserable by how people kept glorifying the value of time; newspapers, books, and even my father giving me a long lecture about it. I could picture how horribly I had failed in the test of seconds. Maybe you might relate to me on this.

But I was confined to believe that time comes in only seconds and the smaller units of it. I wasn't looking at the bigger pictures. For me, time was limited to luckily being somewhere exactly when it started and laughing out loud for 12 seconds when my friend cracked a lame joke.

And recently, I realised how those 12 seconds have added up enough to make me startled at my life right now.
Now that I look in the mirror, I no longer have the short hair or the toothless smile. Looking deeper, I found a few strands of grey hair and some sensitive teeth. I don't despise the taste of getting old. In fact, it excites me. But the pace at which the time has brought me here and me not realising it curled me up a bit.

Last month, a very dear cousin of mine got married. And I don't know what kind of emotion was I feeling. Vague and empty. It felt like I was super excited about it and at the same time, I was almost in tears. Things have been peculiar since then.

Something that hit me is, I didn't notice the slightest changes I was having within myself gradually. And now that I notice them in lumps, it feels like there was a huge gap in the time and things just happened in a *boom*. And wow, you're old. The thing about growing up is so sudden that now I'm making life decisions. Before, decisions were just picking a colour to paint on the tiny petals I just drew. (well, that's still pretty hard!)

Nevertheless, the lesson this week made me understand that time was always something more from catching the present and living in it. Sometimes we are so lost in just living and enjoying what we have that we kind of left out things that were once treasures. And the bad thing about this lesson is, I don't know what am I supposed to do now. Just live in the present, or reminisce the past, or plan for the future. Hmm. Maybe a little bit of everything?

Let me know your opinion, I'd love to know them. If you're still reading, Thank you so much! Hope to catch you soon. (:

| about the series |

The 2017 was initially started to share journaling experience. Due to late & untimely posting schedules of the author, the series is currently based on stories that took place in the time period of 2017. Let's not call them stories. Actually, they are some glimpses of how happy or *some other emotional adjective* the author's year has been so far. So it's like a journal kind of thing but not exactly that. *phew* Explaining this is harder than the lazy author thought it would.

read more on the series at: The 2017